Di Bassinga Diaries: Permission to Fail

Life is a funny thing. There are ups and downs, twists and turns, big wins and life-altering failures. I think most of us know that life is unpredictable, that we don't really have control over every outcome, but the response to this--in my life, anyway--tends to be one of fear. There's fear of losing control, fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of the consequences; you name it, we've got it somewhere. It's all too easy to put pressure on yourself that isn't really there, and that can be paralyzing. Even worse is placing pressure on yourself that you think others are putting on you. It's not that these challenges and situations aren't real, but I think we over-estimate our ability to do something about them. It's almost as though we expect that perfection will secure victory, or solve all our problems, or at least prepare us for any bumps in the road that will come our way, but I say, one of the best ways to prepare for failure is to give yourself the permission to fail.

You hear those at the top speak highly of failure, they'll give tales of how they'd never have made it to the top if it weren't for failure. Michael Jordan once said this about his failures: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life, and that's why I succeed." That all sounds great and dandy, right? I could sit here and tell you all about how failure is the only path to success, and that you ought to just "suck it up" and try something, but that wouldn't be productive--I'm sure you've heard that advice one too many times, anyway. I think that the sentiment is there, but the delivery is flawed, because it doesn't give you much to stand on when you're in the moment. You can't just jump off a cliff until you fly. (That made perfect sense in my head, I hope you're still tracking).

Okay, so what does it mean to give yourself permission to fail, and why is it important? I'm glad you asked: it's a change in the way we see performance. We need to remove this notion that anyone or anything has to be perfect in the first place. The God of the universe doesn't even hold us to such a standard; the Word acknowledges that every single one of us will fall short of perfection (See Romans 3:22b-23). It's necessary to have goals and dreams--aspirations that force us to grow and challenge ourselves--without these, humanity wouldn't be where it is now; and, by no means am I saying that you shouldn't give your all to do well, but, your value doesn't come from what you've accomplished or how you did it. Starting this blog was one of the scariest things I've done, and still I worry sometimes that I might not get an idea across as powerfully or properly as I wanted to; I'm learning, though, that the attempt goes incredibly far, because even in doing what I might believe to be subpar work, there is an opportunity for change somewhere out there. The work we do, the actions we take, the conversations we have, and the decisions we make will never be perfect, but they're important. We're all here to provide something for one another, we're here for a reason, but I promise you that perfection is not one of the reasons, regardless of what anyone tries to tell you. Once you've truly accepted that idea, I believe that life starts to get a bit easier over time, a bit more enjoyable; failure and imperfection might not feel good in the moment, but accepting their certainty makes moving forward a bit easier.

I'll leave you with this notion, something my mom told me once: "It's better to do something poorly than to do nothing at all." I can't promise that you'll be the Michael Jordan of whatever it is you're doing, but one of the best ways to learn and get better is to try something, succeed or fail, and take some feedback to do it better next time. Drop the notion that this next opportunity is the "end all be all." I won't deny that certain situations hold incredible weight and importance, and you shouldn't either, but you'll do and feel much better, if you take the pressure to perform off of yourself and simply put your best foot forward. There will be other opportunities to improve or to do whatever it is you're looking to do, whether it's improve a grade in class, applying for a dream school or job, or presenting the Gospel. And if that opportunity doesn't come, it's okay to grieve for a bit, but don't let that stop you from trying something else. Don't get so caught up in trying to do things perfectly, the pressure of perfection is not one that we're meant to bear.

Verses to Look Back On:

Romans 3:22b-24